Advice and Goslings

Six cars ahead of me, a man got out of his tiny compact, turning the busy California street into a parking lot.  
“I just don’t know what to do.” She says beside me.  “Maybe I’m just an emotional crybaby.  I’m Sorry.”
“No.” I said, turning my head to look at her in the passenger seat.  “Never apologize for your feelings.  That’s you.  Organically you.”  
She nods, silently.  

The man that stopped traffic is now walking across the street, waving his hands for safety.  Horns from aggravated drivers pierce through our rental car.  

“He’s just hard to deal with.” She says.  Her boyfriend, our coworker, is the subject of this conversation. “I mean, one day he’s the kindest, and then he does shit like that.  And when I talk to him, he just makes me cry and nothing gets accomplished.” Her lip is quivering, fingers fidgeting with something in her lap.  She’ll hold it together.
I started to say that I’m sorry, but I couldn’t.  If she wanted condolences she can talk to her girlfriends.  “When something makes you feel a certain way,” I say, “I mean, whenever you have a feeling, you need to address it.  Step back from the feeling, isolate where it’s coming from, and address it’s creator.”  
Maybe I didn’t say that so precisely.  But that was the blunt of what I had to say.  
“It’s like a thorn in your skin.  If you leave it, it will fester and become worse.  Dig it out and it will hurt, but it will feel better shortly. And the pain will cease entirely.”

We can finally see why the man got out of his car.  He’s helping a Momma Goose cross the road with her little goslings.  Six or seven ugly fluffy things follow her and the man as they Pomp and Circumstance across 6 lanes of parking lot.  
He finally gets the procession of Canadian Geese across the street, and awkwardly waves at all the irritated drivers as he jogs back to his car.  Within a few seconds, traffic is moving again.  We finish our drive in relative silence.  

~
 

Have you ever given advice on a subject, yet do the exact opposite when the same situation arises in your life? I often believe that you, yourself, is the best giver of advice if you only follow it.  

The “Do as I say and not as I do” adage is garbage.  Throw it out of your mind.  

I’ve been introduced to it as the Skill of Detachment.  Detach from the situation, view it in the lens of the third-person, and then apply your own best judgement.  We constantly seek others for advice on our career, difficult coworker, friendship, relationship, etc.  In doing so, you’re just looking through the lens of another.  

~
“What are you gonna do?” he asks me from across the worn oak bar table.  Two weeks ago, I would have explained the situation, and then he would give me his perspective.  I would then think it over, most likely disregard everything he said, and do it my own way.  
“I’m gonna sit down and figure it out.” I tell him after a sip of cheap beer.  He pours the rest of the pitcher of the golden American classic in my glass, and catches the barmaid’s attention for another.  
“Sometimes, you have to do the right thing, even if it hurts.” I continue. “Rip off the bandaid, right?” He nods and sips from his glass, getting beer foam in his beard.  
“You want my advice?” He asks, wiping his beard free of foam.
“Na, man. I’ll figure it out on my own.” We both take a drink, and look around the tiny pub.
Then he says, “Sometimes you have to be the dick that stops traffic to help the baby ducks cross the street, right?”

-D.S. McKie