Year in Review, What I Learned

“You need to spend time crawling alone through shadows to truly appreciate what it is to stand in the sun.”
-Shaun Hick

When the opportunity arises, you take a leap of faith.  Sometimes your leap of faith fails.  What you do after, is what defines you.  

I’ve put writing on a back burner this last year.  I’ve travelled the nation working for pennies.  I’ve seen dawn on the Atlantic and twilight over the Pacific, an Arkansas flood, a Texas heat.  I’ve had a Chicago hotdog, the best pizza in the world, and the worst beer.    I’ve endured a lack of sleep that crests even the worst finals week.  I’ve been the coldest I have ever been, and hopefully ever will be.  I’ve seen beautiful things and ugly things.  I have loved and I have felt the taste of betrayal. I’ve read books and discovered music. I’ve been an awful man and a great man.  Aside from the clothes off my back, I had every possession I owned stolen from me.  I gained friends, though I lost many more.  

Through it all, above everything, I learned.  

I learned that all respect for someone can be lost when told just 6 words.  That Honey works better than Vinegar, unless you’re trying to keep bears away.  That motivation coming from strangers is always false. That a promise kept by a friend is worth more than a thousand acquaintances, and a promise broken doesn’t always remove trust, but always takes away respect.  That a lot of the time, you’re damned if you do and damned if you don’t.  

I learned that the squeakiest wheel gets greased first.  That the loudest person in the room is fun at first, but has a shelf life.  That ignorance is a bliss that the curious cat cannot obtain.  That some arguments aren’t won by principle, but by the respect you demand.

I learned that sometimes you can see 10 feet through someone, and most are only 3 feet deep.  That the way to someone’s heart is always kindness, and making friends is only a matter of remembering their name.  That a simple act of kindness on your part can turn your whole life around.  That half of seeming clever is keeping your mouth shut at the right times.  

“Bones mend.  Regret stays with you forever.”
-Patrick Rothfuss

There’s no shame in a get-by-job until you get up and running.  There’s no shame in a stepping stone.  There’s no shame in doing something to learn and experience.  Pulling rank only makes enemies.  A very wise and beautiful woman told me to keep your head down, eat all the shit they throw at you, and beat them down the road.  

~

At the end of my year long journey, I find myself two steps backwards from where I started, yet at the same time a mile ahead of where I would have been without taking that step.  
I crested 27 years young last month, but I feel much like I did the first day of kindergarten- nervous, yet eager and excited for everything that is to come.